Thoughts on what "Life" really is...

Hello!

I want to ramble a little about how we talk, about the things we say that sometimes aren't exactly what we mean...

There's been a phrase pouring out of my mouth for the last few weeks, if not months. It confuses me. Well, it *confused* me because I think that I figured it out today.

"How do you fit an entire life into one suitcase?"

I realised today that you can't. You don't pack up a life, you don't put it in a suitcase. You put clothes (and some toiletries) in a suitcase.

A "life" is a totally different thing. It doesn't travel light, which is a good thing because my luggage allowance is 30kg.

The life I have in the UK won't be coming with me. I can't pack my best friend. I can't neatly parcel up two of my closest friends and their beautiful baby girl who I've not had enough time with. My family and friends won't be wrapped up in brown paper and string. My nephews can't be FedEx-ed to me, there will be no porter service for my Gran...

All of those things are inside me. They will travel with me in the form of photographs, digital doohickey pixel things stored on memory cards and hard drives. They will come with me as fond memories.

The challenge I've felt looming over me, of "packing up a life" and moving it to Japan, has disappeared. In that sense, I've already packed.

I'm leaving to learn a new skill, maybe even forge a profession, to taste-test a vocation. I'm going to Japan because I'm ready to. I don't want to be the only ALT at the picnic who is thinking about the past. I want to be the one who is living in the present. Who is dreaming about the future, however distant it is.

I've already made some great new friends from this experience and I'm not even there yet. Some are in the same boat as me, nervously waiting for the next email, the all-important placement phone call. Some are out there already, doing what I'll be doing in two months.

I'm not packing up a life. I'm making one.

I do however have to pack up a bedroom. I have to buy clothes. Then pack them. I have to Sophie's Choice my possessions. I have a hundred and one other things to be doing, alongside finishing up with my current employers.

I have less than two months to neatly sort and pack away the things that have represented "life" for me. Doing that may finally allow me to start living.

'Til next time...